Tod Brilliant ||  Photography

You Know that Feeling? theonewhereyouknowyourereadyforgreat

A lot of years ago, closer to twenty than ten, I was walking through Portland, Oregon (I lived there once upon a time) and I was feeling it. Feeling on the cusp of something great.That feeling was in the air, in my air, moving through my lungs back out into the world where it energized everything and everyone.

You know that feeling, right? When you know, just know, that your time has arrived; that whatever project you undertake, whatever quest you strike out upon, whatever you decide to create, it’s going to be, well, totally fucking awesome.

Walking through my old Laurelhurst neighborhood, that rare feeling swept through me, ripping off old layers as it did, sending them spinning like dead leaves upon the wind far and forever away. I was transformed into a world-beater … if only for a short while.

Funny that this picture, taken in that moment, reminds me so very much of the very (relationship/career/life/wash) cycles that propel and channel our growth and regression. That Feeling quite often strikes more than once. Our lives are not designed as One & Done affairs. Great opportunities come around and around if we but pause to provide the right perch.

That’s not news, really. What I’m trying to figure out is, how much do I have left in the tank to pursue them? The grand enterprise that unspooled after this exposure commandeered the better part of a decade and left me equal parts excited and eviscerated. And the one after that left beautiful scars that I bear proudly. How many more times am I willing to dig as deeply, to expose the very best parts of myself to risk and ruin on my next flight of fancy? Do I have two more big swings in me? Three? Six? When will I refuse to get up from the mat? I’m guessing never, but I confess that sometimes I flinch a little when that wonderful breeze starts blowing.

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