Tod Brilliant ||  Photography

Grab the Controls.

(Bodega Bay, 2013)

The last few months have been the most humbling of my life. During them, I’ve had to face one stark truth: I’ve not been the man that I thought I was. Worse, I don’t know if that man was worth a damn in the first place. I can’t pinpoint exactly when the separation began, when I allowed my life to begin a slow slide. Years ago, but how many I’m still reckoning. It’s a horrifying thing, snapping awake suddenly only to realize you’re careening wildly down the highway of life, running roughshod over everyone and everything you hold most dear in your life, and no matter how you grasp for it, you can’t quite find the wheel. Resisting the impulse to slam on the brakes is impossibly difficult. The right move, however unintuitive, is to let off the gas and coast to a stop. Then, with wits gathered and head leveled, proceed in the chosen direction.

Waking up is easy. Staying awake, in my estimation, will be the greatest challenge of my life. One that I’m more than up for, but one that will require daily contemplation and focused attention.

It’s time to be the father, friend, partner and brother that I was born to be. I’m tossing the rearview mirror and looking forward to the beautiful moments between the many horizons ahead.

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